The Last Stop

That other day, a rev­e­la­tion came to me while I was in the midst of my physics revi­sion. It was the very last chap­ter of the form five syl­labus — radioac­tiv­ity. Oh yeah. Of which, there will be a part of that chap­ter where you will come across this equation:

E=mc²

Excite­ment, E equals mass, m times cup size squared, c^2. Yeap, it’s the new for­mula derived by the famous Isuck Sex­ton. Ahem. Now, before you start hav­ing drift­ing thoughts to Mars, let’s take a look at the real­ity of this new formula.

Take for exam­ple, cof­fee. Yes, cof­fee, you per­vert. Take note that we’ll go totally wild with the num­bers here, in other words, they’ll make no sense at all. That said, do you ever remem­ber that plea­sure when you last had your cup of cof­fee? Noth­ing beats that aro­matic cafeine drink, ever. Well then, let’s say you had a cup of cof­fee with a mass of 0.4kg and with a cup size of 250 cen­time­tre cube. Brew­ing hot and steamy. And you’ll get:

E=(0.4)(250)²

Solve that equa­tion and you’ll get:

25,000J

Wow.. 25,000 full Joules of exite­ment shoot­ing up your neu­rons with every gulp of that esta­tic tongue-sweetening drink. Hell yeah! I-m-a-g-i-n-e that! The good thing is, you can lit­er­ally apply this for­mula in any sit­u­a­tion you may meet in life. Any at all, really. As long as it involves Exite­ment, mass and cup size. Wuahaha!

OK now, snap back from fan­ta­sy­land now dreamer boy. All these exces­sive study­ing had really squeezed my brain juice to the lim­its, just short of los­ing my san­ity. That equa­tion crap thing is a total..well, crap. I had just fin­ished my 2^nd SPM mock exam­i­na­tions which were going on dur­ing the past three weeks and wow, it feels like some grey-matter-marathon, the last three days being Physics, Chem­istry and Biol­ogy papers.

And you know what, for the very first time in my life, I actu­ally con­tin­ued study­ing on the very day I fin­ished an exam. On the same day I fin­ished my Biol­ogy paper, I read two, yes two full pages of biol­ogy. What’s the big deal? You ask. Need­less to say, most of us would rather go on a five-day-bookless-fest right after the exams. But no, not this time, at least for me.

After the 2^nd mock, we will be head­ing for the real thing — ass pee em. Ahem, sorry — SPM. Hence, there will be no room for slack­ing after the last stop before that all impor­tant exam that would deter­mine the next 30 years of our lives.

Oh and by the way, noth­ing to brag about really, but I scored the high­est for the Eng­lish lan­guage in my class! Yay for me! Wua­haha. Now I won­der if that high­est scorer in terms of sub­jects prize dur­ing the year-end prize giv­ing cer­e­mony would take this time’s results into account for I had aimed to hold one of those titles this year. And yeah, the world’s most widely spo­ken lan­guage is my only hope. But yet, every­thing boils down to SPM. Geez, how can’t I wait for it to just fly past then we could have lim­it­less fun, at least for a good few months. Ah well, I really have to go back to my Chro­mo­somes chap­ter in Biol­ogy, oh my..

Dis­claimer: All of the above equa­tions, exam­ples and sci­ence stuff are free to be used and pra­tised in daily life but any con­se­quences are not the respon­si­bil­ity of the author. Use the above infor­ma­tion at your own risk. The author will and may not be taken into respon­si­bil­ity with con­se­quences such as spilt cof­fee, lethargy, sore body parts, or a preg­nant girl­friend.