With a heavy heart, I watched as skyscrapers and massive traffic flyovers of KL blew past a weather-stained glass window. The low-gear roar of an eight-cylinder diesel engine jolted the bus forward as it swerved past traffic on a four-lane highway. The view didn’t stay the same. Concrete jungles slowly morphed into vast and neat rows of oil palm plantations. Watching endless rows of oil palms can be hypnotic I tell you — for I dozed off about 30 minutes into the bus ride to the KL LCCT.
I never liked farewells.
Returning to KL used to be a yearly affair, it was only when I flew here 10 days ago I realised how long I haven’t returned to this place — an easy one and a half years.
My attachment to the capital city of Malaysia is a unique one. I was born in Perak and although every single one of my relatives are scattered across the Peninsula, I’ve never actually lived there. I practically grew up in East Malaysia, where my parents have been attached to. There is always a conflict of interest with regards to my sense of belonging, often do I lay torn between the two land masses — one bearing memories of my whole childhood, friends, my life; but the other, filled with family and relatives — cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents. Earlier that afternoon, I bid farewell to my uncle and aunt who dropped me off at KL Sentral.
I’m carefully sipping through a cup of Ice Blended Caramel Coffee as I type this on a Wi-Fi connection that dropped 2 minutes ago. An European couple is sitting next to my table. The husband taps away on his iPhone while the wife slowly flips through a stack of fashion magazines. Neither uttered a single word since I sat beside them.
The Coffee Bean is surprisingly packed — the crowd here noticeably different from the crowd in say, McDs. There is little interaction — save for a few businessmen in that corner — everyone’s immersed in technology, be it laptops, iPhones or Blackberries.
Just two weeks ago, we sent off my sister who is now doing A-Levels at Kolej Yayasan UEM en-route to the UK under a MOE scholarship. It’s a 2+3+1-year course that would end up with her graduating as a teacher. Unlike me, she already has a definite path laid right before her. A promised future.
As we were on our journey back to KL after a whole gang of relatives, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents alike saw her off, my uncle told us that we’d probably won’t see her very often from now on. I pondered about it for moment, and thought, ain’t that the truth.
I guess I haven’t really sank into the whole leaving-home-study-abroad-graduate-and-work thing yet. Never could I fathom the reality of my sister leaving the family, void of seeing her everyday, one less voice echoing off the walls of our family home, although much less competition in the ever-present battlefield of sibling rivalry, yet I must admit, I didn’t see this coming.
So many things do we take for granted in life. Like the company of siblings, our parents, the family. Blinded we are by the fact that we won’t live together as a family forever, under the same roof, dinner on the same table. It’s all a fact of life where one day we’ll all leave the family we grew up with; the home we once played, quarrelled and fought in.
Welp. Guess it’s just life isn’t it?
The deafening crescendo of mechanical rumble disrupted my train of thought as the plane lurched forward in reaction to the tens of thousands pounds of pure thrust spitting out from a pair of jet engines at full throttle. I grasped the armrests of my seat as the plane rumbled down the runway; lights dancing around the windows against the night sky. Then the sinking feeling sets in — my body’s sense of balance telling me that the plane had left firm ground.
My heart sank. I never liked farewells.
Are you also Chinese? I’m Chinese, 20 years old. Hello!
Your life is very interesting to me. I can relate to almost everything you say, yet our lives are as different as can be. I am the one who left my family and one sister (okay, so our lives do have similarities) to study abroad, and this is actually the last summer I’m spending at home.
After this is probably work and graduate and work (in that order due to internships and co-ops) and I’m quite sure we will never quite live under one roof again.
Yep, that’s life.
I like farewell.. Farewell from things that I don’t like. *whoops* =D
Yeah I felt kinda sad too when my brother left the house to continue his college. Though we used to quarrel and fight but somehow the house was felt a bit empty when he’s not there. But like you’ve said, that’s just the life. We are always faced with the new situation.
Farewell becomes suck if it’s a farewell with the things you love. T_T
I really love the way you write about things. Blogging is a talent in your case. Hope someday you will publish a book. A photo book.
Good luck to you and don’t be upset — this is life, it’s changes.. This is what you gotta go through throughout your whole lifetime. Enjoy it.
I like your reflections about Goodbyes written here. This is one of your best written pieces I must say! I do agree with Dmitry saying about a photo book — combining the two strengths.
you’re feeling exactly what I felt 4 years ago when my brother left for Russia. Yea life’s like that. Just have to accept the fact that we’ve grown up, and we’re starting a new page of our OWN life. Siblings and family can’t be with us forever..
Wait, Shu Yi is your SISTER?
Time and again I am reminded of how small Kuching truly is.
Bokeh on the second photo is awesome.
Huge apologies for not being able to drop by your blog and photoblog for a long time. Three weeks into the semester and now I’m busy ironing out the wrinkles before I pass my post over to a freshmen 🙂
The post is the most beautifully written entry. Ever. Ember, I admire your talent in writing and photography — a rare combination of two seemingly distant and unrelated fields. This is going to be my favourite line:
Lovely!
I know farewells are painful — especially when bidding one to somebody who’s so close to you, let alone your siblings. All the best to your sister in the UK 🙂 she’ll be all good.
Take care, and have a great week ahead!
I’m not a fan of farewells as well. With that said, I hadn’t actually experience many farewell moments (thankfully).
My dad used to work overseas very often when I was still young so I couldn’t remember how those farewells were like. But then again, farewell usually signifies a fresh new beginning in the future, no?
All the best to your sister! 🙂
Lovely photographs by the way.
Damn never farewells.. Although iHad tried to attend every farewell of my friends and cousins. But never thought of they R having a farewell for me as iCame to Melbourne.. When iSaw ur post, my heart sank as well.. iMiss them, iMiss u all, iMiss Malaysia, i..Dont know what can iSay.. >”<